Life moves fast.

28 September 2019, Saturday | San Francisco

This is a life update post. Get ready - there’s a lot coming.

Motivation: I promised myself (and a friend of mine) that I’d write about what’s been happening in my life as a means to processing all of the thoughts, emotions, and life events I’ve encountered over the last few months (especially September). There have been several highs and numerous lows, and it’s definitely taught me some patience. As you read through this (long) post, I kindly request your patience if my words become verbiage. It’s been a rollercoaster, lol.

Oh also, turn on this Spotify playlist to listen while you read — it’ll give a more ~ nuanced ~ idea of what it’s been like!

Where do I start…

My previous post on the Hand-Drawn Study of Paris essentially covers where my life was at the end of July/beginning of August. To give a quick recap, I went on a study abroad program in Paris after graduating in May, and it was a great time. Once it became mid-August, things settled down for a bit as I was at home with my family, adjusting to post-grad life, and “trying” to soak in some SoCal sun. By the end of August, things began to pick up as a very special event was rapidly approaching at the start of September!

And so it all begins…

090119

On the first day of September, my sister and her husband got married! Despite the fact that I cried literal buckets during the ceremony and my Maid-of-Honor Speech, it was such a wonderful and beautiful day to see my sister marry the person she loves. I am incredibly happy and grateful for these two people because they’ve not only grown so much over the years, but also served as role models to me during some of the toughest times in my life. I am forever clinking an imaginary champagne glass to celebrate their union. 🥂

090519 - Thursday

This was the day that my family moved out of our childhood home. If you are reading this and currently follow me on Instagram, you may have wondered why I was sharing so many old photos and projects I did as a kid. Honestly, cleaning up the house was a really weird exercise to go through. I never really imagined or foresaw that there would be a day when I would have to pack up (or even throw away) my memories. As someone who deeply treasures the most random of moments or the tiniest things (i.e. toy cars, old letters, stuffed animals), it felt poignant and premature to say goodbye to the home our family grew up in for nearly 15 years.

It didn’t hit me that we were leaving until the day before the movers came to take our things to the new place. Although I was packing my room little by little throughout August, I kept getting so distracted and sentimental about everything in the house. I noticed my self slowing down while packing – I think I just wanted to find ways to make the most the time left in the house.

When I was 7, I would often sit on the couch upside down so I could see what the world would be like if the ceiling was actually the floor. I remember hanging my feet in the air, pretending to tip-toe the walls, and imagine myself running around the light fixtures as if they were a part of this indoor obstacle course. The day before we moved, I sat on the couch upside down one more time, and the nostalgia hit me like a train. Although I pretty much made myself cry again, it was a good reminder that sometimes it’s more fun to see things from a flipped perspective. I also realized that if I was once able to find a way to “defy gravity,” I’m sure I can see the world from a creative point of view again.

(On a happier note, I was really glad that I started working out again because I was able to lift “heavy” boxes to help my parents move. Shoutout OTF, you a REAL ONE)

090619 - Friday, Saturday, Sunday

The day after we moved, I had a flight to catch to return to NorCal and move in to my new apartment. I felt really bad to leave my parents so soon, but it was necessary because I needed the time to get settled into my new place before starting full-time work. If you can imagine how hectic this week was with packing, moving, and even flying back upstate, you can probably understand that there was really no time to sit and reminisce. Thank the Lord I had friends with me on this weekend — they helped me stay focused and try to enjoy the beginning of my new chapter!

090919 - Monday

This was my first day of full-time work, but also the day I discovered that my dog died. I don’t really know how to explain the way things played out for this day, but how I’ve broken it down is that on a professional level, everything was great. The morning of my first day started perfectly - I had breakfast at home, commuted into the City with my roommate (she even dropped me off at my stop), and went to get myself a cup of coffee. I was a little nervous, but thrilled to be going back to a team I really enjoyed working with.

On a personal level, however, I was absolutely miserable. Some of you may know fully well how much my dog meant to me and my family, and it was terrible to not be at home. I got the news right after finishing work that he wasn’t doing well over the entire weekend. Several months prior, Max had been diagnosed with cancer, but he was always a strong fighter. At nearly 16 years old, he still had a voracious appetite, and occasionally, he would bark at me with impatience to give him his food a little faster. According to my mom, his condition worsened at an alarming rate - Max couldn’t get up to drink water, and even when it was his usual time for breakfast at 8:32 AM or dinner at 4:35 pm, he wasn’t getting up like he usually would.

Max was my best friend. He was the confidant who saw me at my worst or best, and he was the one sibling who lived with me in our family home the longest. He was by my side when I studied until 3 AM during high school, and he was there when I got into Berkeley. When I was younger and got into arguments with my parents, I’d run upstairs to my room and slam the door, but moments after, I could hear him trotting up the stairs to come and be with me — the jingle of his dog collar never sounded more comforting.

Whenever I came home during winter or summer break in college, I was never lonely because Max was always there to keep me company. I’d have so much fun just sitting next to him, playing with his paws, or making Instagram/Snapchat stories about the adventures we had at home together.

I am so sad and upset that I wasn’t able to be there for him when he died. I’m grateful that I got to see him one last time before I moved up to NorCal, but it frustrates me that I couldn’t be there at that exact moment, with him and my family.

I still don’t really have a sense of resolution or closure for all of my thoughts around Max’s death, which is why I’ve been a little more closed off from the world and inactive on social media.

I just needed some time and space alone.

These last few weeks have been awry, and there are a lot of things that have made September suck even more, but I think the biggest takeaway from everything that’s happened this month is that life moves really fast, and it slows down for no one.

Of course, this is common knowledge, but it’s a way to tell us that there is no reason to delay joy or postpone showing your gratitude for the things that are in your life right now.

Max, my beloved Madduh, Och the Pawch, and Baby, you will forever be missed. I hope you are resting well in peace now. God really blessed me with the goodest boy.

Overall, the month of September has flown by, and it’s been a weird mix of excitement and dread. Can it be over already? Just wake me up when September ends.